Conundrum

Here I lie – puzzle to your modern mind,
one clue I give, to where my secret lies
non-rhyming words, flow swiftly from my quill,
Digest! but ponder the meter of my prose.

Schooled you would be, but does your wisdom flow?
do your prying thoughts, the trickery of my nonsense show?
it’s mooted that our stubborn blindness shows,
we never see, where closest we should peer!

Your mind will squirm, but yet you will not see,
the trick so bright, but yet unseen by thee;
I wonder how the truth so close to me,
confuses, yet you blunder on, victim of my devious mind

I entice you on, word by word,
you would surely curse me in your seeking thoughts
this puzzle he’s wrought – where is the clue?
why do fertile minds stoop so low, to find confusing words to wrinkle Einstein’s brow?

I move on here – think intelligent being!
no further clue I give – your eyes seem shut,
just wonder, think, perceive, consider,
find the culprit I’ve refused to recognise in this lilting rhyme,
if you do but see the Key! Tell only me – or smile. I will know!

Answer - on page 2 of the book!

Sayings of Hammo

• Men will claim that the great Creator has been trying to use up an Inter-Galactic container ship load of storm damaged female thought processor chips since the beginning of time! On the other hand, Women will claim that the ‘Woman’s Needs’ chip, has never been part of the Male specification!
• The most important decision that a man will make in his lifetime, will almost certainly be influenced by a female! At some later date, it will be a woman who points out that it was a damn fool thing to do!
  
• Anybody who claims never to have made a mistake, usually never made ANYTHING!!
  
• I’m married to two women! Neither of them can cook!
  
• I’m married to two men. Neither of them the one I was hoping for!
  
• In the lottery of life, there are some winners.
  
• Girls are good! Real women are Good-Oh!!
  
• By all means take life smooth and easy – but check out the rough stuff once in a while!
  
• God abides not in temples and churches, but in all His Living Creations.
  
• An untidy workplace means an untidy worker, with an untidy mind.
  
• A man who lends his tools, may finish up losing his wife!
  
• Sweetness and beauty on the outside, Carbon Fibre and Titanium on the inside!
  
• Most men work hard, and try to think up ways to please their women.
  
• Most women work hard too! And try to think up ways to confuse their men.
  
• I have reached the age where I figure that if a sound is loud enough, or important enough, I will hear it!
  
• And even if Hell freezes over, there will still be pockets of warmth somewhere.
  
• Sex – the Good Lord was fiendishly clever when he figured it all out!
  
• GIRLS ARE TRICKY!!
  
• Boys have neither the imagination or willpower to cope with this!

Gullible’s travels

• The trains are all on time
• The prize is not important – it’s playing the game that counts.
• Just jump – your mother and I will catch you!
• Don’t worry, you are safe with me.
• The place is full of sheilas, all bloody models!
• It isn’t hot – just take it!
• The teacher never canes us, you can get away with anything!
• Don’t bother packing Winter woolies, just bring a shirt and shorts.
• I’ll never leave you Darling.
• She’ll be right!
• Take my word for it!
• This block of ice has a lifetime guarantee!
• Come right in, the water’s warm.
• Would I lie to you?
• No deposit, no interest, no charges!
• I can’t get pregnant.
• This part will never break!
• I’ll bring it back tomorrow.
• This horse just cannot lose
• Darling, I’ll change to suit your ways.
• There’s no white ants in this area.
• This gun is never loaded.
• The spots will wash right out.
• Keep backing – there’s nothing behind you.
• My boots are clean Mum.
• The gate is never locked.
• The fish are always biting.
• These shoes fit you perfectly.
• The alarm is never turned on.
• Our dog doesn’t bite.
• I fixed the brakes.

Just remember – a near miss is really a HIT!

Why boats are better than spouses!

Boats don’t whine, unless something is really wrong.
If your boat makes too much noise, you can shut it down and fish.
Boats don’t care how many other boats that you have.
You can lend your boat to your friends!
Boats don’t mind if you look at other boats.
Your parents don’t remain in touch with your old boat if you dump it!
Your boat never wants a night out alone with other boats.
If your boat doesn’t look good anymore, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can kick your boat if you are mad at it, or if it doesn’t perform as it should!
If your boat smokes, you can do something about it!
You can let your boat sink if it starts to leak, and then go and check out the new models.