The new Holden Commodore
Towards the end of my last contract in Hong Kong with Jaques International, Laurie decided, that what with the cost of leasing a company car locally at huge expense, it would be a good idea if the firm had an Australian image, and to this end he approached a high profile Melbourne dealer and struck a deal whereby a new Commodore would be shipped to Hong Kong for our use. Knowing Laurie, it is possible that some sort of local Holden dealership was discussed for the future. In due course we were notified that the car was in Hong Kong customs awaiting payment of duty, which proved to be an enormous amount, but this was only the start! Local vehicle laws had a provision that the first import of any new make or model had to be fully approved by the appropriate Government department, and so the Holden was moved from the docks to the testing facility on Hong Kong Island, I can’t recall the exact details, but I seem to remember that Laurie drove the car the short distance under some sort of permit and left it in the test facilities parking area – and here the real problems started!
The days went by with plenty of phone calls as to why the car wasn’t ready for collection and subsequent registration with the permit, and eventually Laurie decided, as was his habit, that his presence was the only thing that would hurry things up, but imagine his disgust when he found that the car hadn’t moved from the spot that he had parked it! Some pretty hectic on the spot inquiries led to plenty of the normal buck passing but it eventually transpired that the car hadn’t been inspected, because it was obvious to the head inspector that the fancy new Holden had a defective hand brake and it was rejected without further ado! It was also physically demonstrated to the stupid Aussie that the lever was definitely broken because it just flopped up and down, and the brakes were locked on as well!
The problem had started when the mechanic given the job of checking the vehicle had found upon starting the car that the hand brake would not release, and this was obviously because the lever was broken! Barely controlling his rage, Laurie jumped into the car and released the handbrake under the eye of the mechanic, who still protested that it was broken, he then proceeded to run the car into the workshop and told them to get on with the job forth with!
Another week or more went by without any word and Laurie paid the workshop a surprise visit only to find that the front seat and floor coverings had been removed and no further progress, the mechanic still protesting that the lever would not pass the regulations on account of it being broken, it wasn’t their job to fix it, and no permit would be issued until the mechanism worked to their satisfaction! All this despite Laurie explaining the drop away mechanism to the man in charge, in the end he raged out of the workshop after telling them to get an outside mechanic in to fix it to their satisfaction! Many days later we finally had a phone call to say that the Commodore had passed to the required checks and off Laurie went to collect it. Imagine his reaction when he found that someone had removed the handbrake assembly, welded the entire mechanism up solid and replaced it. The inspector who had finally passed the modification was at pains to point out that it was a stupid place to put a handbrake lever as you had to climb over it to get in and out of the car, it should have been placed on the driver’s left side out of the way! That would have avoided all the trouble! The inspection report was marked, defective hand brake mechanism, passed after repair!
This episode pretty well shows the reason that I spent so long in South East Asia, anything new that is not fully understood is wrecked or modified before anyone gets a chance to call a halt. There is a saying that no one can wreck a good piece of machinery quicker than the Chinese, but on the other hand they are capable of taking a wrecked piece of machinery, new or otherwise and repairing it and keeping it going forever, and I for one can vouch for the truth of this saying!
By the same token there is an up side to all this. While browsing through a large department store, my wife came upon a very expensive toy steam engine combination of German manufacture, it was marked down to a few dollars because it was broken! She couldn’t see anything wrong with it, and so I returned to the store with her later and examined the toy, but a sales person noting my interest pointed out the broken part, and was pleased to make the sale for the equivalent of about $12 Australian. The real value was at least 10 times that amount! The broken part was merely a simple ingenious German idea to effect the reversal of the steam engine!
An interesting footnote to the Chinese approach to things mechanical, is contained in this notice that I copied from a workshop notice board, in English, but accompanied by a Chinese text. Let no such engineer says that this machine must be stopped to cool it, or give it oil or to overhaul it, and thus and so, never must a machine be stopped, only must it work. (More better, cheaper, faster.) This pretty much sums up the reasons for the time I spent in South East Asia!